you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
