I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cut my penus on the lid.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
