I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
