Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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