He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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