I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So many bounce houses so little time
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
