I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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