Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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