Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
