I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
