Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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