I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize