Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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