life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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