No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
