How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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