she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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