Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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