therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize