sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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