Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
