I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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