Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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