Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
