Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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