wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
