just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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