Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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