just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
