if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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