i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
