Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
