The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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