I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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