On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
