Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
