Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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