Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
