i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
