I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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