You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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