he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
