can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
