Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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