Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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