Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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