did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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