Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I want a musical about memes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
