Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
