He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
