he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
