he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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