I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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