I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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