Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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