It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
