We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
