So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
