having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
