Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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