Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
