her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
