so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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