Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
