I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
