will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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