If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
