my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
