My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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