In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
