peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
