We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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