He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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