Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
