He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize