Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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