I skipped work to stalk him.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
