I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize