i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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