Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
