i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
