My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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