just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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