win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize