Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
