Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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