We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
