i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
