He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize