so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
