We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize