yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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