he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
