Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
