I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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