u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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