mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
