the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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