She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
