You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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