did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
