someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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