I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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