Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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