We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
