She announced her abortion via fbk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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