the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
