i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
