I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize