I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
