I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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